Now if I was back in my twenties that might not have been such a bad image but today in my fifties, it feels like I am looking in an angry mirror. That’s ok, beauty is in the eye of the beholder as I remember the saying but with that I feel good about myself.
In all that went wrong in my life is now what I share to help others and I cherish all that has been good in my life. Sometimes it is not the struggle of what went wrong that challenged us for a reason, but it is how we get through it and who we have become because of it.
For me, I have had several occasions in my life where I didn’t understand and questioned with anger the struggles God gave me but my last huge struggle of feeling like God totally let me down was the best thing that ever happened to me.
In many ways he put death in my face quite a few times, and most of those times I wanted to choose death but he wouldn’t let me and saved me. It is only now that I understand that spiritual journey.
Wow, did I just say God? Yes I did and it feels good. All my life I don’t think I really believed in God or I did but I didn’t understand the religious aspect. Growing up with no religion and no spirituality I didn’t feel like I was missing anything and I learned to depend on me and not God, the higher power.
My struggles and journeys have made me humble and made me realize life is not so black and white and that the devil can come at any time to control me when I least expect it. Humble, hmmm what a word to understand at my age and what a larger concept to think about in my life as I get older. I try to balance being humble but then comes a struggle of where it challenges my strengths.
So where does God come in with all of this talk of being humble? God is there to help balance ‘me’, to help keep me accountable and to make me think of what he is wanting me to do. I am in control of me, and with his help I have finally acknowledged I have come to love my life even after those huge struggles. I have learned to understand how to ‘listen’ to him, trust my intuition to help guide me in my next steps because I have passed his test of challenges he has sent me in my life.
If I stay quiet I will ‘hear’ what he is telling me and it will feel right when I move forward in my next steps and journey. Those next steps for me that I thought I planned but God planned something different for me and I feel like he has held my hand to a religious place and allow me to share my gifts.
Today, as I contemplate my next steps, my soul is naked and it feels good. This way I can see, feel and hear all that God is wanting me to do and I can embrace his true calling of me. It sure beats the devil’s dirty work, and today, I choose God.